so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
