i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
