apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so let's talk penis.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize