I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
