I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
