New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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