why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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