Where did you get a picture of my penis
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I FOUND THE LEGS
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
