I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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