You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize