we have officially lost it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
