What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
