i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
