can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
