just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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