Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
