you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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