You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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