just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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