I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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