dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
