So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
the raccoons are back...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize