Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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