you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
