Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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