im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
