Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
