HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
