I look better un-naked...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
