k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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