Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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