I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
