my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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