you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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