I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
