Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
