I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
