ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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