shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
