if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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