so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
