my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
