I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
