Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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