I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
