Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize