Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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