So drunk its hurt
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize