I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
