She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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