Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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