ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
