Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
