just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
