Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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