He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
