2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
