Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
