are you still at the devil's house?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
