I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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