Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
