I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize