Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
