R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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