She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
