why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
