I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
