why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
