my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
