roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
