I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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