I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
