Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
