covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
