If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
