Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
