From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
