This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
