im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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