What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize