my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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