Christians are straight up FREAKS
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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