If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
