Please, let me fuck your mom
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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